Welcome to my website! I’m Nicole Erika. They are my two first names, and I use them as my pen name. I’m a former headhunter and still a career (change) consultant who has always dreamed of being an artist and writer. Then everything came differently.
I was heavily discouraged from following my creative endeavors. Yes, I heard all these typical sentences like I was not good enough and that art and poetry were no breadwinners. So, I followed a traditional career. Though, I am not sure if headhunting is that traditional. Anyway. I forgot about my creative dreams until I started to awaken in 2013.
From Searching To Creation
Before I realized it, the initial blissful awakening experience turned into turmoil. My carefully crafted and very ordinary life crumbled to pieces, and I got caught in a stream of eternal searching for the lost puzzle pieces of myself. I fell for one or another “enlightenment myth” (though the experience is real, most talk is nonsense!) and weird methodology on how to “shape and direct energy.” (It’s possible. Again, most talk is nonsense because basic knowledge about the relationship between energy and consciousness is missing.)
At one point, I got so frustrated with my experiences that I asked for a way out. I almost prayed for a way out. (Know that I was an atheist before the awakening experience.) The answer came in an unusual vision. I saw stone sculptures floating in the air. I was puzzled by what I saw because I had never done any sculpting. But the image returned. So I went to an art store and bought my first tools. Back home, I started sculpting. I didn’t have any prior training. I just followed my intuition. A day later, my first sculpture was finished. It wasn’t that great, but – hey! – I created a sculpture. In the coming years, many more should follow. But what I was interested in was the process of creation. Hence, the awakening. Of course, it took me years to realize the connection. A while later, my childhood dream of being a poetry writer resurfaced. And with it, a lost love called haiku. It’s a poetic form of three lines and 17 syllables. Albeit it’s short – trust me – you can fit whole universes in 17 syllables. Yes, really! And it’s a wonderful tool for wisdom gathering!
The (Bittersweet) Truth About Awakening
Let me be honest, for years, I felt ashamed of my awakening. I always wanted to be a professional business person – successful, respected, you know the game. And suddenly, I was everything but. But the more I tried to restore my former life, the less it worked. Slowly, I found out why. My soul guided me to a different path. One that was no longer defined by what other people thought of me and what “was the norm.” Instead, I had to learn to love and trust myself completely. Not 80%, 90%, not 99%, but 100%. It took a while. And there was another thing: Only those things worked out that I did with joy and without agenda or expectations. Today, I know that this applies to all awakened people. The old ways don’t work anymore. We are here to shape the new. (How new, you will see in the coming years.)
Embracing Myself – Being Nicole Erika
Also, I had to embrace everything I am. The good, the bad, the ugly. Even my second name – Erika. I was not too fond of it for decades. And today, it’s my pen name – Nicole Erika. And I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. It’s personal. It’s me. And I write about very personal experiences. So, why not combine it with my first name?
That is what awakening is all about. Awakening to the truth of you. Later, I wrote a book about it. It’s called Kissing The Edge Of Freedom, and you can find it here. It’s a raw poetic reflection on my awakening journey with all its highs and lows.
Beyond Awakening – Moving Forward
Today, the awakening experience is past. I am fully conscious of myself, and after years of struggle, I rearrange my life. Is everything perfect yet? No. And then again, I have a different perspective on “perfection.” Everything is already unfolding in a perfectly imperfect way.
I returned to my new/old profession, for now. It’s old because I am still a career consultant. And it’s new because I work differently now. Pushing and striving don’t work anymore. Grace and ease do because then everything flows.
And I continue to write poetry. From now on, the focus of my writing will shift as I am officially post-awakening now. What’s next? I still love haiku and senryu. So there is another book in the making. (Read more here.) I love wisdom and discovering wisdom. So I will start teaching it. Trust me, it makes a huge difference in your life when you know why things happened they happen. Only then you can make different – and more conscious – choices. Also, I dive deeper into metaphysics. Real metaphysics. Not the cute little energy tools sold by various spiritual groups. It will keep me busy for a while. And then again, I also enjoy not doing anything at all. Take that from an ex-workaholic. 🙂
Meanwhile, feel free to browse this page. If you wish to stay in touch, sign up for the newsletter here.
Lots of love,